New start

The moment I decided to recreate my blog, I know I'm going to spare my time on it.

What makes me have the idea of recreating my blog and start blogging all over again since I know I wouldn't have much time for it? Frankly speaking, I wished and wanted to start blogging since long time ago, just that I have no time for it and lazy to make the first move. Every time when I face a problem or when I have no one to share my life with, I would then think of blogging. Maybe to you, this is not the right path to pour out all your feelings as whatever you typed will be exposed to everyone around the world ; but for me, I'm alright with it. Perhaps writing a diary or note down all the events in those downloaded apps would be better instead of blogging since it is private, anyway, there are pros and cons in between which I'm not going to further elaborate it.

Social life of a 19 years old girl is very important. The way you communicate with your classmates, the way you make friends, the way you jump into a group conversation and so on are all about your social skill. Since long time ago, when I was in my secondary school, I do always felt lonely and unnoticeable. My friends around me are all outstanding person where all the teachers and other form's students would easily recognize them and tell out their names, especially her-my bff. ( no offence ah bo, I'm just telling the feeling deep down my heart ) She was so outstanding and sharp that people would only notice her but not me when we are together. I don't meant to be as sharp or famous as her but at least, please remember my name. I'm not someone's friend. I'm me. So this was what I felt for my social life when I was in my secondary school.

Now, I'm in my form 6. I tell myself, I want to become someone in this school but not anyone. So, I came into this school with an outstanding result which made me started to emerge as someone in my class. Teachers started to notice me on the very first day of school which made me special. The next thing I tell myself, I want to be socialize, make friends with everyone in the class without boundary. So I tried my best to join the other's conversation. Indeed, I get to mix along with all the classmates very well where I could just pop into any group of them and join their conversation.

When I think my social life in form 6 is far more better than the past, one of my classmate told me today that I look pity and seem to have not much friend. The scene was so awkward. I don't know how to answer him but just crapped over the statement.

I stood alone on the assembly ground and thought quietly : Am I really like what he told me?

The answer came across my mind was yes. The one who I really could get along with is just my deskmate. Indeed I could jump into any conversation of the others but sometimes it is just too awkward to comment on the others when you are actually not in their gang. Maybe this is what called ego. So I seldom chat with the others or join them in their conversation or group discussion. Most of the time I'm just hanging around with my deskmate and that's all. By now, since she has a bf, the moment I'm getting alone in the class steeply increases. I don't blame anyone but myself. My personality is just too weak for me to overcome all these inbuilt ego. I'm just too weak in socializing and I just don't know how to.

People are seeking for a partner to join the coming badminton competition. I thought I would be involved in any of the categories few months back. I was happily told my bf that I'm going to join competition later and started to prepare myself. I know I couldn't be the best but at least I'm better than the other girls. I was hoping and expecting someone would call me up and ask me to be their partner. You know what happened. =) . So yeah, I'm not involve in any of the categories and would be doing job like umpire or linesman on that day like a dog. I don't mean to be rude but the incident of someone looked down on me pissed me off. I don't think my badminton skill and understanding of rules are way lower than you but in fact I know and could play better than you ! The incident was she asked me to become the partner of the opponent because she wanted to train together with her partner. So I agreed. Before I could start my first ball, she was subtly chasing me out of the court and asked another girl to join in cause the girl plays better than me. I know she doesn't mean this way like what I'm thinking of her but her act really pissed me off as if I don't have enough quality to become her competitor. Fine ! ( f.y.i, she is one of my friend. )

I know chances and opportunities are not falling from the sky. I should have to chase for it but not sit and wait for it to come. I was so touched that one of my classmate came over and ask me to join him for a game when I'm sitting alone on the bench. I wondered if he's pity me or concern about me but anyway it doesn't matter anymore.

After all, I'm still who I'm.