The friend, the change

I could stop myself from thinking about the post constantly after viewing her blog.

I have a habit of viewing blogs that I followed everyday. A random post pop up on top of the update list telling me she has updated her blog. Undoubtedly, I clicked in and read. To my surprise, the post is related to me.

She talked about how we were best friends in the past and how the things went on for us to become in such awkward relationship. Frankly, I couldn't really recall what has happened in between. Anyway, that's not the main thing I would like to talk about. The word that lingered around my mind all the day until I rather use my study period for blogging are about friend. - I know, it's about friend again.-

I wasn't intended to make my blog full of these bullshit but here is the only place I could pour out my feelings. Ever since the day I posted about how I felt for my social life, I was so sensitive about everything goes on around me, especially friends. Some incident happened last weekend made me felt really upset about them. My boyfriend was there and he observed everything- how they treated me and how transparent I am in the group of people. The feeling of being ignore by someone you trusted or the-so-called-best friend I should say is just so unbearable. The mixture feelings of upset, disappointed, angry...came up to my mind all at the same time. Luckily he was there with me.

After that incident, my mind has been working constantly for a solution to ease my feelings. What I have concluded was I'm a failure. I don't blame anyone but myself. Constantly being dogmatic makes my personality become very weak until I could be ignore without reasons. My boy has been lecturing me about how to become someone with strong personality. I listen to his suggestions but that's not something I used to do.

One's personality is shaped since young. It takes time to reshape one's personality.

I'm not going to change myself because of anyone. I will only change for the sake of my better future. Now I know my weaknesses, so I try my best to make a change.

As for them, the so-called-best friends, god bless you all. You don't worth anything from me anymore.




*To the one who silently following me, thanks for your suggestions and concern towards me. It's indeed warm to get to know someone is supporting you without you knowing.